Dear Agony
by spyder-m
Summary: While the physical scars they'd endured would heal, it was the emotional suffering that would be the most difficult to recover from. After both having lost someone dear to them, would they be able find solace in one another? ShuuRan. Multi-chaptered.


A/N: I know, I know. What am I doing? I've got so much going on right now the last thing I need to do is start a multi-chaptered story, but I couldn't help it. *sigh* There really is a lack of ShuuRan love when it comes to these kind of stories. While all the multi-chaptered stories I have read based on this pairing have been brilliantly written and always left me eager for more, there only so many. It was then I decided that I wanted to try and write more than just a oneshot for this pairing for a change. So, here it is, I guess. Also, it's been awhile since I've written something for my OTP. 3

This is going to take place after the battle in Fake/Real Karakura Town, the most recent Arc in the manga. So there will be spoilers if you're not up to date with the story. Since this has only just recently occurred in the storyline and we haven't had the full details revealed yet, if I ever do reference how the war ended it will only be vague. That hopefully, won't be a problem though, because it's not really going to be the main focus of the story. The repercussions of the war itself are more what I will be focusing on, hence the title of this fic.

The main thing really is that Aizen was defeated, and I'm going to assume that there were no fatalities amongst the Gotei 13, as none have been declared yet. Even though I know a lot of characters have taken seemingly fatal wounds during that Arc, I'm not going to actually believe they're dead until is announced by someone. Even then, I might be a little sceptical (eg. See manga chapter 414: Gin's claim that he 'killed' Rangiku). Because of the setting, Rangiku's also going to be, understandably, quite upset about the death of her childhood friend, Gin. Consequently there may be parts of this story that seem GinRanish, but trust me, this is definitely a ShuuRan story. It might take time to develop, but that is without a doubt the true intention of this story. I might be wrong, you mightn't even really interpret those parts as GinRan scenes. It's all about interpretation, I guess.

I'm also pushing an M rating, as I suspect this fic will include language and lemons in later chapters. This first one, however, isn't so bad.

Anyway, enough rambling for now; I hope you guys like this!

**Disclaimer**: Bleach and all its characters are copyright to Tite Kubo.

* * *

Dear Agony

Chapter 1

It was all over.

Finally.

The Winter War, the battle in the Fake; and eventually real; Karakura Town.

Aizen, Gin, Tousen, the Arrancar army.

They had all been defeated.

The climax to the atrocious battle that had devastated both the populace of Soul Society and the real world had reached its conclusion.

The onslaught and hysteria of the past had few weeks had resulted in an escalating number of individuals being admitted into the Fourth Division for medical attendance.

There had been several casualties, ranging in their severity, but fortunately few; if any; fatalities.

The majority of the Gotei 13 had just been rendered temporarily immobile and bed-ridden due to their injuries, but were thankfully expected to make a speedy recovery. It wasn't the physical damage of the battles that left the most significant marking.

For, while the cuts and bruises would eventually subside, and the broken bones would heal in no time. It was the antagonising, emotional battle scars that festered within, which would pose the most difficulty recovering from. For this war had seen friendships deteriorate, as well as life and love lost.

The scars its victims beared went far deeper than the skin, slicing at their fragile, weakened hearts.

* * *

**I. His Agony**

"_Hisagi, come closer... Thanks to the Hollow transformation I can still see..."_

_"I want to see what you look while I still have the chance..."_

"_Hisagi..."_

_"Hisagi..._"

"Hisagi?"

"Huh?" The man in question responded blankly. He'd be broken from his reverie by a seated officer, grasping him on the shoulder lightly in order to alert his attention.

"Hisagi-san, it's time." The man before him instructed.

"Oh, right..." Shuuhei replied, swallowing, as he slowly stood from his seat and straightened the front of his Shinigami garb.

The past few weeks had been difficult for Hisagi Shuuhei to say the least. Following the sorrowful passing of his former mentor and superior; at his own hands, no less; the Lieutenant was suddenly hit with the realisation that his division was now without a Captain. Granted, this had already been the case for several months after Tousen had defected from Soul Society with Aizen, but Shuuhei hadn't really distanced his Captain from the Ninth Division at that time. Despite what occurred, Shuuhei never stopped viewing Tousen as his mentor and held firmly onto the determined, yet slightly naive believe that he, along with Captain Komamura, would one day open Tousen's eyes and guide him back to Soul Society. He truly believed that he would be able to convince Tousen to return to his Division; their division... How wrong he had been.

For, he and Komamura's attempt to bring the man back had only resulted in violence. The battle that ensued between caused Shuuhei to realise that his goal was impossible to obtain, as his Captain's decision apparently could not be swayed. When the last ounce of hope in him faded, he finally abandoned the goal he had clung unwaveringly to for so long.

It was unfortunate, really. He'd followed his Captain's virtues loyally; for several decades; also determined to take the path of the least bloodshed. But in the end, the clashing of their swords had become inevitable. The only thing Shuuhei could take solace from was that he'd managed to defeat his Captain using methods that same man had once taught to him.

So here he was now. Standing outside the 1st Division Main Office, waiting to learn the fate of his Division from the Captain Commander.

For, it had been at the recommendation of Captain Komamura that; for his impressive display during his fight against his former captain, Tousen; Shuuhei, the Lieutenant of the Ninth Division, would be promoted to Captain. Despite the fact that the man was still yet to master his Bankai, he had successfully fought and defeated his captain, something Captain Komamura himself had been unable to achieve. This method served as an alternative, albeit slightly frowned upon, method for attaining the role. However, under the circumstances, there were some stipulations behind the rule that this case failed to meet.

One was that the battle had to have taken place before at least one hundred members of the particular squad that captain represented; or last represented, in Tousen's case; as witnesses. However, Komamura was able to argue though that while Shuuhei had lacked the audience of his division, he himself had witnessed the events up close and personal, as had several of the other captain's and captain level shinigami involved. Granted, there outlook had been from a distance away, but that was hardly the point. Furthermore, Komamura expressed the genuine faith he had in Shuuhei, and had emphasised the capable way in which he had run and led his division alone for the past few months as an acting Captain, arguing that as far as responsibilities went, he already fulfilled most of the requirements. All that was really needed was the official title.

Everything seem to blur together as he entered the office and found himself standing hesitantly before the Captain Commander, suddenly fully aware that the man was speaking to him, but finding that few of his words were actually registering in his mind. He was able to snap out his reverie in time to be informed that an agreement had been met by the Captains. An agreement that the decision regarding his potential promotion would be made based on the result of a vote. As, to officially receive a promotion through the means of recommendation, an individual would have to be recommended by at least six of the thirteen Gotei Captains, and gain the approval of a further three. Considering that there were currently only ten Captains acting officially in the Gotei Thirteen, Shuuhei was well aware that the odds were not stacked in his favour.

Nonetheless, Shuuhei thanked Yamamoto graciously, bowing before the man in a show of respect. Admittedly, Shuuhei was still completely in awe of the fact that he was even being considered for such a position.

It had always been his dream, to attain such an important, noteworthy rank. The proof that he would finally be able to protect those close to him, after having felt so helpless and insignificant on several occasions in the past; after having to be saved from a Hollow as a child in Rukongai, failing to protect his Academy colleagues after they were ambushed by a Hollow, failing to bring his Captain back to Soul Society...

He should have felt proud, right? Overcome with contentment at such an achievement.

So, why didn't he?

Why couldn't he move on yet?

* * *

**II. Her Agony**

"_I've decided to become a Shinigami to change things... So that they end without Rangiku having to cry."_

_"In the end, I couldn't get back what was taken from you."_

_"I'm glad I said sorry... __Rangiku-"_

"Matsumoto! Are you even listening?" A certain white-haired prodigy growled in frustration as he noticed his Lieutenant spacing out in the corner of his eye.

"Sorry... Taicho," Rangiku responded softly, her voice coming out in an almost reluctant, weak quiver that barely reached his ears.

Hitsugaya's expression softened at the sight of his subordinate's uncharacteristically reclusive behaviour. It was clear she was still harbouring significant sorrow over the departure of one Ichimaru Gin. Hitsugaya had never been too fond of the former captain but he understood the significance of the man's relationship with his Lieutenant and felt he could appreciate the suffering she was experiencing at the moment.

"Just... Try not to let it happen again," Toshirou answered eventually, his voice taking on a much calmer tone.

He couldn't really blame her for the current state she was in, not after everything she had been through. He felt the same way about his friend Hinamori, remembering the absolutely nauseating feeling that had overwhelmed him when he realised he'd fallen victim to Aizen's shikai, and had impaled his childhood friend inadvertently as a result. The young captain could still feel an intense rage coursing through his veins, over the callous manipulation of the man, particular to his former subordinate.

And although he may deny it outwardly, the young captain had felt a momentous amount of concern for Rangiku. Initially reluctant to accept the terms of her offer to fight three Fraccion, while he took on a single Espada, when the battle had commenced. His worries only escalated further when he realised that she, along with Hinamori, had both been severely wounded at the hands of the 'pet' summoned by the Fraccion. A horrendous Chimera-like creature with monstrous power that, in an easy feat, had defeated four Lieutenants of the Gotei 13. It wasn't until the appearance of the Captain Commander that it was defeated.

After barely recuperating, thanks to Kira's medical assistance, she'd then taken additionally near-fatal injuries after a fight she'd had against Ichimaru, as she received a number of deep, jagged gashes along her neck and upper body. Hitsugaya had tried asking about the confrontation between the two on more than one occasion, but at the mention of this, Rangiku became uncharacteristically reclusive, and was reluctant to mention anything to him.

He wasn't one to pry; he would respect her privacy and let her talk when she felt comfortable.

He just wished there was something he could do to make her feel better. She hadn't been herself all week. To be brutally honest, in any other situation, Hitsugaya would've been thrilled at the prospect of a calm, secluded Rangiku, tending silently to the paperwork at her desk, but not now. He felt incredibly powerless and frustrated to know that someone very important and close to him was harbouring a significant deal of pain and suffering and yet he didn't know what to do to help.

"Matsumoto," his voice broke out unexpectedly, trying to keep his tone impassive. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Never better," she answered nonchalantly, flicking her hair back over her shoulders. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no really reason," Hitsugaya replied, his teal eyes studying his subordinate pensively. "Just curious."

Normally he would've expected the woman to gush teasingly over how her 'cute, little Captain' was worried about her; her words, not his. This would also accompany him being engulfed by the woman in a tight hug against her chest, that would last until his smaller body was nearly completely drained of air. However, on this occasion that was not the case. She didn't proceed with this near traditional response of hers, but instead returned wordlessly to signing the paperwork that lay before her. That notion alone caused to Hitsugaya to feel deeply concerned for his Lieutenant.

"Have you heard that Hisagi may be receiving a promotion?" he added, breaking the silence between them once more. It certainly made for an unusual change; him having to constantly probe her for information in a desperate attempt to keep a conversation alive. It was almost as if their roles had been completely reversed!

"I think he deserves it," Rangiku said, favouring a soft smile to grace her features over her previously impassive expression, on this occasion, "He's worked very hard to maintain his Division alone for the year."

"You and some others have a party prepared in order to congratulate him, don't you?" the prodigious Taicho inquired curiously.

"Yes," the Lieutenant answered affirmatively, suspecting that her Captain was opposed to the idea "I can miss out on it if you want-"

"No," Hitsugaya interrupted, surprised that Rangiku was offering to stay back and continue working rather than go out socialising; that behaviour was highly unlike her "You need some time to relax."

This time, Hitsugaya was being sincere. It was a rare occurrence, but Rangiku had been working diligently in the office recently, following the loss of her typical cheerful, bubbly character. She actually derserved the oppurtunity to take a break on this occasion, as it had been well earned. But above all, her superior felt at this point that Rangiku would need a moment

Barely a month had passed since the end of the war, and the death of Rangiku's childhood friend at Aizen's hands, yet it was clear that the notion was still very much apparent in her mind.

"Thank you, Captain." Rangiku replied, a smile gracing her lips.

"Not at all, Matsumoto."

* * *

"Hey, Hisagi-san!" a certain crimson haired Lieutenant called out, as he spotted Shuuhei returning from on his way from the Captain Commander's office to the Ninth Division.

"Oh, hey Abarai, Kira," Shuuhei replied, slowing his pace in order to allow his two colleagues to catch up to him. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, His- or should I say Hisagi-taichou now?" Renji grinned, dramatically lowering his head, bowing before Shuuhei. Kira was quick to join in, an uncharacteristically mischievious smirk written across his face.

"Knock it off, guys," Shuuhei responded with a half-hearted grin, pulling Renji back to an upright stance once more. "It might not even be made official. We're just gonna have to wait and see."

Having been close friends with the two for years; and upon hearing the rumour that Shuuhei may be receiving a promotion; Shuuhei had made it clear to both Kira and Renji that. should he become captain, he didn't want his position to change the relationship they shared in any way. He would still be the same man, just in a higher position, he had insisted. After mentioning this, his friends had quickly taken to greeting him in a highly exaggerated display of respect.

"You practically run the Ninth alone already, Hisagi-san," Kira pointed out, his smirk still apparent "All that's left really is for you to receive the official inauguration."

"Well then, by that logic, shouldn't you be made a Captain too, Kira?" Shuuhei retorted, suddenly feeling slightly subconscious at the praise he was receiving.

"Anyway," Renji interrupted "You need to come with us, man. Everyone's waiting for you!"

"Waiting for me? What's going on?" the dark-haired Lieutenant asked, puzzled.

"Oh come on," Renji smirked, nudging his friend with an elbow playfully "You didn't think we were going to let your promotion go with a celebration, did you?"

"Uh, that's real nice of you guys," came the hesistant reponse "But I don't really feel like it. I should prob-,"

"Sorry Hisagi-san, but we're not taking no for an answer! Besides you really need to get out and see everyone."

Shuuhei sighed, as much as he hated to admit it he knew Renji was right. He'd been extremely gloomy and distant since returning from Karakura town, rarely pulling himself away from the Ninth Division Headquarters. Fortunately for him, his friends had shown him a great deal of empathy and understanding over the course of the past month. Now he supposed it was time he returned the favour and actually come out. He figured they were worried about him, and wanted to make sure that he was still copping.

He really did owe it to all of them.

"Alright," he answered eventually "I guess I could stay for a bit... I'm sure it won't be that bad." The man added jokingly.

Famous last words.

* * *

**III. Iridescent**

"Spoke too soon," Shuuhei muttered to himself, groaning bitterly, as he examined the mayhem erupting in the room around him.

While Shuuhei certainly appreciated the efforts of his friends, and the fact that they were; not only concerned for his wellbeing, but also proud of his , he didn't particularly feel he could handle the vivacious energy of one of his friends' shindigs. Granted, he would normally be more than happy to take part in this kind of celebration, but that was exactly the point; he just hadn't been himself lately.

That much could be determined easily by taking in his currently slumped, weary form perched at his seat, swirling a half-finished cup of Sake between his fingertips; lost in thought as he studied the transparent liquid tentatively; watching the antics of his rather friends.

Throughout the room he could make out Ikkaku, spouting a loud, outlandish array of threats out at an equally intoxicated Iba-san, while being restrained by Yumichika; he noticed a barely conscious Kira spread precariously amongst a small littering of sake battles as Hinamori tended to him; across from a loudly bickering Renji and Rukia. It was at that point, however, that Shuuhei stopped registering the . It was then that he came to realisation that something was absent from the room.

There was definitely something, or perhaps someone, missing.

Not just anyone, in fact, but one of the people who he had been most eager about seeing tonight. One of the people who helped him find his resolve and fight, determined to return to Soul Society alive; just so that he could see her again. See her again, and maybe even one day work to approach her, to express assertively every word he'd wanted to say, and every feeling he'd ever wanted to convey to her.

The last time he'd seen her she'd been left gravely injured and sprawled in a precarious heap as she gasped desperately for air, the entire right side of her abdomen torn independently from her body. They'd arrived just in time.

He couldn't find her presence amongst in the crowd. He really needed to see her.

He'd heard that since the battle she'd made a steady recovery and had returned to work quickly, happy and healthy.

Given what she had faced during that time, he somehow he doubted that the former was plausible. Shuuhei simply couldn't make the assumption that was she alright, not until he was able to see her with his own two eyes. Not until he was able to make that judgement himself.

Suddenly frantic, and determined to find her, Shuuhei rose to his feet, ignoring the questioning call of Renji's voice from the other side of the room, and strode towards the door.

As he exited the quarters, having already reached the conclusion that she mustn't have been in the room with them, he could make out the soft, comforting sensation of her reiatsu, that seemed to almost call out him like a siren song.

She was outside.

He would never forget her expression at that very moment.

The monent he found her out there, alone.

Gone was her usual carefree smile; the one that lit up and conveyed the vitality and natural slendour of her face; and replaced with a foreign, blank expression. The once vivid, bright eyes, so full of life and warmth, that he loved so much, now reduced to a pair of empty, irresponsive pits, downcast at the dull earth before her, appearing distant and unfocused.

"Rangiku-san," he spoke at a volume much louder than intended, startling the woman slightly, but effectively informing her of his presence.

"Oh, Shuuhei," she responded, her lips twisting into a smile at the sight of the guest of honour. "I didn't see you there!"

Shuuhei frowned at the woman's actions, carefully scrutinising her demeanour. In particular, the puzzling expression that just had just crossed her face. It wasn't the usual, bright, vivid, and often teasing smile of Matsumot Rangiku, that he was so familiar with; the one that had always came as a natural, easy thing, but a forced, artificial replica of the original. Something that was, quite clearly, a complete contrast to the feelings that she held deep down within herself.

It was truly one of the most heart breaking things he had ever seen.

"Congratulations," she announced eventually, trying to emphasise the sincerity in her voice. She too, was genuinely happy for her friend's success, but wasn't sure if she could find it . However, she also didn't want to appear upset and ruin what was potentially an enjoyable party celebrating the man's acquisition of a role that he well and truly deserved.

Shuuhei sighed, rubbing his hand over his right eye, before slumping idly across from her against the wall. His sharp, gray eyes penetrated hers deeply as he gazed at her, almost worriedly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his hand stretching out to gently sweep away a stray lock of hair that had fallen over her eyes.

"Nothing, nothing at all!" she insisted, slapping his hand away playfully. "I'm just fine!"

"Anyway, what are you doing out here with little old me?" Rangiku countered, trying to change the subject "Shouldn't you be inside with the others? It's your party, after all!"

Her answer was met with silence, as the man's lingered at; as if he was deep in contemplation.

"Celebrating just doesn't seem appropriate to me right now," he answered after a moment, the tone of his voice suddenly dark and unreadable.

"What do you mean?" Rangiku inquired, a look of concern etching across her features.

"I know that we won, I know we succeeded in everything we had set out to achieve ... But after what happened to Tousen-taichou, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the great loss my Division has endured. I don't feel in any way victorious. I couldn't even attain the one thing I set out to achieve..."

Rangiku remained silent as she gazed at the man across from her, sadly. This was a side of Shuuhei completely different and unfamiliar. From what she knew, he was usually a very optimistic person. Sure, he seemed like the reclusive, mature type; and he was to an extent; but Rangiku had gotten to him closely outside of the Gotei 13 over the years. On a personal level. He had shown her that, amongst his friends and those dear to him, he was a lively, caring and positive individual. She never would've imagined he would be sitting before her in the manner he was now, empty and discontented.

"Anyway, what about you?" Shuuhei responded, suddenly turning his attention back to the woman sitting across from him "Aren't you usually the life of these parties?"

"I guess I'm in the same boat as you," Rangiku answered truthfully "I just don't think it would be fair for me to be celebrating... Not after what happened to Gin, anyway..."

Shuuhei placed a comforting hand of Rangiku's shoulder; as her voice become shaky and began to trail off at the mention of her late friend's name. He was well aware that the two had had an incredibly intricate, complex relationship; the details of which were largely indistinct; and while he hadn't known Ichimaru particularly well himself, he could certainly empathise with the woman's current predicament. It was the same as his really. Despite the fact the individuals they admired the most had turned on; not only them, but the whole of Soul Society; both Shuuhei and Rangiku still felt a deep, emotional connection to them. They were both still holding to a wistful bond they had forged, even in death.

"Then let's toast to them, shall we?" Shuuhei offered, taking his sake cup in hand and raising it before her.

"Yes, let's." She agreed, picking up her own cup and clicking it against his, before the the two drained their drinks simultaneously.

Maybe if he'd known the reprecussions that this seemingly innocent action would bring, he would've found the strength to stop. Maybe if he'd just taken a moment to think everything through he would have at least lingered, or hesitated, making up some excuse about having to be early the next morning. But he didn't.

In retrospect the man likened it to an act of consolation, an offering of reassurance.

The woman he harboured deep feelings for was enduring a clearing agonising suffering; as was he; and for some reason, Shuuhei felt more than compelled to comfort her.

Even if it was just a release, a one time thing, at that point he didn't really care.

All he knew for certain was that, right now, they both needed this.

* * *

A/N: I hope that this came out alright, and that you enjoyed it. Please don't forget to review! I like to know what you guys think and I can only get limited feedback from a fav/alert (not that I don't appreciate them, because I do!). Anyway, I don't how quickly I'm going to be able to update this; it's been awhile since I've written a multi-chaptered story; but hopefully it will be soon. Until then! :D


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